.: culture : mash :.

I remember having the conversation years back with my good Armenian friend Levon about our middle eastern holiday meals.

It’s never JUST American food. We gotta slip in the stuff we grew up with, just so our parents can enjoy it too.

Yeah, I mean, it’s always Turkey and Hummus Day for us. Don’t know about you.

True dat L, true dat. This year it was an array of foods and guests pouring in from such exotic places such as Hungary, Romania, and Austin Texas.

God knows it’s a good holiday dinner when your boyfriend gets called a cowboy by your 75 year old grandmother who speaks limited English, only to be responded to by having your entire family called terrorists. Good times!

The other fantastic thing I heard over the day, while teetering off my 3rd glass of Syrah on the rooftop patio was my mother’s retelling of one of her first dates with Bob.

My mother:

People don’t know what to think of Iranians. I mean, I remember one of the first dates I had with Bob. He asked me if we knew what spaghetti was. “They’re like noodles, you know… like noodles?”

Bob:

How was I supposed to know? I mean, we had just started going out, and she had this really strong accent.

News flash Bob, she still has that accent. Only, you’ve grown immune to it I think.

My awesome mushroom breadpudding

Me and Grandma

Austin, Arash and Zsofi

Ash, Arash and George

It’s College Entrance Exam day in Kabul, Afghanistan!

“More than 1,800 perspective cadets rise for the playing of the Afghan National Anthem before the start of the Afghan College Entrance Exam for the Afghan National Army Academy, Kabul, Afghanistan, Oct. 25 [2007]. The perspective cadets here are hoping to be one of the approximately 300 chosen for the new freshman class. The exam makes up 80 percent of their final admissions score. (U.S. Air Force photo/Staff Sgt. Brian Ferguson)”

Now I feel super weaksauce for never taking the SATs.

Recently, I had a conversation about breasts with a boy.

Boobs are weird. I tell him.

And then I got “science bombed” by  this.

Morris’ hypothesis is that the breast is a purely erotic affectation–a piquing notion. Most creatures in the animal kingdom tend to have the most success mating in a “male aft” sexual position because of the placement of the genitalia. In quadrupeds such as dogs and cats, all the sexual equipment is right out in plain view framed by large, rounded buttocks. Humans and their unique propensity to stand and walk erect put an end to that straight away. Changes to the pelvic region that allowed for all this walking about also causes a “face to face” mating position to have a higher effectiveness among bipeds. Morris’ contention is that it was more practical for the female to evolve an analog to the buttocks on her front than it was to re-wire the male instinct to desire an alternate sex pose. The breasts took on the roll of buttocks being the frameset of sexuality.

I’m not as worried about this as you think. I just find it odd that I have buttocks on my front. And now, sometimes I stare at them and have these contemplative moments.

Why such a big deal over lumpy fat? Well, strategically placed lumpy fat, but nonetheless. Honestly, they’re just boobs. A few weeks ago this photo was taken by my friend Nomi in San Francisco.

Now, what’s funny about this picture is that the original shows no actual nipple. But, I suppose it risky enough for the black mark of censorship. If I were in Europe, this would be on a TV guide … with me completely topless.

Why are Europeans so much less offended by cleave? No one cares on the beaches of the Mediterranean if you let your mammary glands dangle in the Southern French sun. Except here’s the deal… the boobs you want to see , you never get to. What I’ve seen all the years of my visits to European beaches were 70 year old leathery boobs spread out like a saddle atop the torso of one seriously ugly Danish woman.

So why the big deal in Sweden? I’m guessing the Northern Europeans take things a little more serioiusly.

All I can say is, at least it’s not celebrity crotch. That’s a pandemic in the states.

It’s been a crazy month so far. I have been to three different cities in three different weeks, and I think I’m still not eligible for Gold Status on my American Airlines membership, bastards.

Anyhow, to wrap up the insanity that just took place ….

I went to Vancouver for the Houdini 9 Launch event at the Vancouver Film School . They have a great 3D program, and we were quite well welcomed by the entire staff for our little presentation :).

Later , the next weekend I went to New Orleans for the FEAR in New Orleans movie and special effects film festival. I got to hang out with Ron Jeremy and FrankenHooker … on WORK TIME.

And finally, the 3 week insanity tour was topped off with a trip to San Francisco for fun, with my fun lady friend, Agent Lover. I got to learn about how porn is made, and that while we technically booked a hotel room for two … it was more like indoor camping than anything else.

Something tells me I’m staying home for a while. I’m totally ok with that.