.: culture : mash :.

So I realize that I’m needing to post more frequently, because if there was any advice I found the most helpful, it was slackmistress’ advice that I just need to blog often, even if it’s not necessarily that interesting.

I know this isn’t all terribly “cultural”, but damn … it’s filler, and you can learn a little more about your blogger.

So in the spirit of the 5 minute post … here is a summarization of my week’s end thus far (with appropriate pictures to boot):

Thursday (BIG NEWS)

I found out the end of an era is near. Becca, my best friend and roommate, will be moving out to pursue her endeavor of opening up her own business. I’m incredibly proud of her, and will be supporting her in any which way possible. We never thought we could make this work all the way to the end, California has not adopted any same sex marriage laws since I last checked. This means, I might have to do the horrific, and move into my mother’s house, all out of my own volition, not from lack of options. More on this on a later blog…

Friday

Highly uneventful, stayed at home like the old woman I am. However, I did have a great phone conversation with an amazing friend whom I’m visiting out of town this upcoming weekend. The relaxation of a non-LA , non-work trip might be just what I need. I can’t wait to get out of town.

Saturday

House warming at Jim’s! I hung out with a few Consumater pals, and made new ones at the new home of Hatandsuitcase. Always good to meet new fun people, and all of Jim’s friends were amazingly fun, who said the West side couldn’t be hip?

Then I rounded out the night with some company over to play some fine board games and enjoy home made tacos.

Sunday

I spent the day taking photographs at the Ghetty with Henrik, who was great company in my discovering how to use my new digital SLR, AKA Tax Refund Toy. Let me just say … I impressed myself, and it’s all about “Kids & Pets” setting. Explained further here.

I don’t know about you, but that all sounds pretty darn cultural if you ask me.

The afore mentioned folks are coming from: Ohio, North Carolina, Iran, North Hollywood, Massachusetts, Sweden, Denmark,and Orange County. You guess who comes from where!

I’ve been doing yoga now for about 5 years. It started as something to help me keep in shape, but has turned into something completely useful to me beyond its physical benefits.

Yoga is very cliche and new age in perception, even here in Southern California where Scientology doesn’t make some people blink. It’s amazing the ideas and reactions people get when you even suggest to them that you do it, or that you think it might be good for them.

Sorry, I’m not flexible.

You can’t be serious, I’m a guy.

I don’t think I can, I’m Christian.

The original idea behind yoga as a study is really to leverage the physical body and condition it so you’re able to do hours and hours of meditation with your mind. Basically, get your body able to sit around a whole bunch, which I know seems ironic. Since you’re working hard to help make your body be able to be stationary for long periods? The ancient yogis must have been crazy.

But, meditation is a lot harder than you can imagine, especially if you think it’s just sitting around thinking. In fact, it’s the exact opposite of that, it’s trying not to think which makes it very difficult. Trying to keep your mind from wandering is the ultimate challenge to yoga practice.

So for those of you not used to yoga studios and yoga people, I can’t relay how truly accepting and non-judgmental this environment can be. To the point where people will pass gas and you won’t hear a snicker, female instructors will breast feed during the entire practice, and no one will wince, and hugs are passed around like a joint during rush week on on greek row. However, one thing can make people lose it and crack up… the inability to do an obscenely difficult pose the instructor wants you to try.
One of those moves is Tolasana (Scale Pose)

This move made me laugh, not because it’s funny, but because it’s funny to think I could ever accomplish it. And by the way, it’s normally done without the blocks for assistance.

In sensing the spirit of the room, and the frustration, our instructor Michael said something I took away from this class.

Remember, this is one of “those” poses. If you get this pose, it won’t impact your life.

What a concept to think about. Why can’t I apply this to other things in my life?

Like:

If you don’t get this condominium, it won’t impact your life.

or

If you don’t lose 15 pounds, it won’t impact your life.

Somehow it just lifts this weird sense of artificial pressure we put unto ourselves, doesn’t it?

I think I’ve learned a lot this time in yoga, I’ve learned that the next time I use customer service or tech support, I’m going to say

If you don’t act like a complete tool, it won’t impact your life.

PS: I must look like a complete moron when I go to and from yoga home on my beach cruiser. Nothing says retarded Socal Local like me on my electric blue cruiser, with white basket, wearing my shuffle and ‘phones, peddling with a yoga mat that is strapped to my back. I’m sure that is exactly the image ancient yogis conjured when they thought of this sacred practice’s future.

I was at my dad’s place today, visiting him with my brother Ash before he takes off back to the motherland to take care of some business. The idea of my 76 year old diabetic father traveling to the middle east in a time like this scares the shit out of me, but if there’s anyone that age to be able to handle it, it’s him.

My father’s place is interesting, lots of old books, art supplies, piles and piles of Ash’s over sized dental journals, bowls filled with fruit and pistachios, and heaps of pictures everywhere. In looking around for various things, I came across a few interesting old ones this time.

This is my mother and father from 33 years ago.

When my mother saw this , she quoted her aunt’s favorite saying about youth and beauty, which in English roughly translates to:

Even cockroaches looked beautiful in their younger days.

Then she proceeded to tell me how much I look like her , which I both can see and felt mildly offended by given the time of her comments.

Another interesting photo we came across is this one of my mother’s father when he was a toddler.

I love finding baby pictures of people in general, but this is especially neat. The back had a message on it. A message which was scratched out in an attempt to erase it.

I asked what it could’ve read, and my father responded brilliantly. He said he knew that my grandfather would write a lot of love notes to my grandmother on the back of photos and leave them for her. Their entire marriage always amazed me.

He was a decorated Iranian military general, she was only 15 when they got married. But he treated her like a princess from the first day, even teaching her how to put on makeup as she was so young when she moved in. She would tell me all the time that he’d run back into the house before leaving for a party and bring her red lipstick when she’d forget it, because he loved seeing her dressed up. These are still the stories I love hearing from my grandmother, even if she’s repeated them a zillion times. Seeing her eyes light up and daydream back in time to remember made me jealous she ever had that type of love and attachment to one person.

Given that, I’m not sure what cultural relevance this all necessarily has. Other than, I just thought it was neat and wanted to share it. Maybe if I’m lucky, I’ll find a man who doesn’t want me to leave the house witout my iPod.

I work for a Canadian company that does a lot of business internationally. While a lot of the money brought in is either European or Asian, the bulk of our clients still remain in the US.

This used to be a good thing, until the US dollar just started to drop , oddly enough in conjunction with the Iraq war. Now economists will tell you, that war generally can be a good thing for the nations economy…triggers spending, results in higher GDP … apparently, not this time. Now there is so much irony in this concept, I can’t possibly begin to make fun of it enough here.

Take a looksie at this fun graph. Now I know you can’t really see all the detail, like date and time and specific unit score markers… but really the thing is that they all point down in value.

Anyhow, before the major value shift of the US dollar, buying our software in non-Canadian currency was a good thing. We got more value out of it, as our company is based in Canada.

I always hear stories of people traveling to parts of the world with US cash “back in the day”, and it was as if US tourists were of alien descent, trying to share their advanced technologies in a place where things were obviously dumbed down.

“you mean, you can get HOW many cheeseburgers back home for the same amount?”

“I swear, I think one pair of Levi’s can make a down payment for a condo in this shit for country.”

Now that those days have changed, I sorta wonder how we’re handling ourself when we travel. Every 5 or 6 months SNL does a funny skit, I think this is a good one for this post. I mean … what’s the American dollar but a washed out past celebrity anyhow?

[youtube 4jI4xI6gf3E]

So, I am in Brattleboro, Vermont right now, having just finished a 2- day sales management course for work.

I know what you’re thinking …

where the hell is Brattleboro, and isn’t Vermont like in Canada or something?

…and yet, that’s exactly why I linked it!

So the North East country side has been rather sleepy and cute, with great thanks to the assholes in the Hummers who’ve helped bring global warming’s best with a snow dump in mid-April. Yesterday morning, my colleagues and I drove from beautiful Bawston to where we are today, only taking roughly 3 hours due to the road conditions (and a slight detour to look for Mike’s canolies - which didn’t even happen).

Since being here, I must say, the people are quite kind. And well, I know it’s a small town and all, but I’m quite blown away from the lack of “East Coast vs. West Coast”vibe I usually get in NYC. And by that, I really mean the “I hate LA/I hate NY” snobbishness I encounter all the time from city rivals.

This topic is near and dear to my heart, and I’ll likely bring it up a lot on this site, but really … who the fuck cares? If you really hate where you are, then don’t live there right? Frankly, I think you can just make your life what you want it to be, and if this city doesn’t suit you… please, just move to your preferred side of this raped native land, and give up your day job to another actor/writer/artist/gallery director kid who wants to chase a dream.

Besides that, I must say … for a town where I’m the only girl with melanin in her skin, and curly hair … these gay loving succeeders aren’t bad!

I read today that the French population is vastly undecided about their next President, well actually about 42% according to a poll taken by Le Parisienn.

Anything election related is naturally a hot button issue for most Americans I presume, but again … I’m presuming.

And so I have to admit, I’m envious that a female candidate really even qualifies to be one of two dueling final contenders.

Is it really that simple? Is it because France is so progressive that they get to have a wildly liberal female candidate, one that apparently has a brother linked to Green Peace violent activity, and a “private life partner” rather than a husband (she’s not even gay!) . And if that weren’t enough, the woman has a far-right cousin who’s also in politics.

Man, I wonder what her holiday family gatherings are like… how do you say passive aggressive in French? Oh right … agressif passif.

You gotta ask yourself though, how would the US differ with a female president? And I’m not going to even mention the H name.

I’m sorry, I’m just imagining Marie-Ségolène Royal getting hit on by G.Dubyah over a croissant in the oval office.

“heh heh… that’s pronounced crescent here! heh heh …get it, crescent? I’m gonna get me a jelly doughnut…”

For respect’s sake, let’s all say aurevoir to old Jacques … and ponder what was going on through his mind precisely right when this photo was being taken.

“So, where are you from?”

This is one of the most annoying questions to me. Not because the idea is annoying, but to me it just can mean so much.

Lately I’ve been saying the West Side. But people want to know more than that. If I tell them I’m American, I don’t think I quite give them the impression I descended from the Mayflower crazies.

“I’m Persian.”

“Persian, now is that the same as Iranian [pronounced I-rain-ian]?”

“Yes, yes it is.”
Please don’t pronounce it like it’s from the Elemental Chart, I know where that’s coming from (wink wink).

I mean, the Persian Empire was huge, shit I think some Germans can theoretically call themselves “Persian” probably, right? And really, who the fuck still says they’re Roman or Gaulois?

“Ahh see, that’ always confused me! So is your mother or father American?”

Nope… all pedigree here. However, I say “dude” a lot because I grew up in Southern California since I was about 10.

“Vous etes de Californie? C’est vachement dangereux non?”

“Oui, de Los Angeles.”

Yes, I’m Californian. And you’re French, and probably FAR more cultured than your silly white American cousins, but you have issues too. And no, for the fifth time, I do NOT carry a gun. Tarantino was a fluke success in your country, get over using him as a cultural control for reference. God damn it though, I love the way you people live, a real great sense of hedonistic lifestyle! You’re my second home away from my other second home.

Why can’t I connect with one single culture exactly? I suppose this is my schtick…

I live in LA, I was born and emigrated from Iran, and to me, my friends are the ambassadors of their individual cultures. Actually, I think we are all these little units of representation from backgrounds I find more and more unique everyday. Last week, I just met another Asian Jew… just think about that!

My intention here is to show (as minimally filtered as I can) the absurdity that is cultures clashing and backgrounds slowly fusing in our world.

Lots of contributors are lined up to help us look into various perspectives and backgrounds. Also expect lots of great art parody work done through my collaboration with Arash, who has kindly produced the art work shown :).

And by the way, you’re not left out if you’re “white” (or EuroMut as I prefer to call it). You know you have your own tales of culture clashing and warped perceptions. Some of which I find particularly more fascinating because of its lack of exposure in our everyday.

So with that, let’s get it on, hopefully I won’t piss off friends or family. Total strangers I’m sure I’ll annoy, but we’ll work with baby steps.
Beyond that, I have no clue what the fuck I’m doing. Stay tuned!

here’s some reject art that was supposed to be on this site:

PS: Many, many thanks to my dear friend Michel for helping this putz with getting this site up.